


I'll Be Alright

by MaJackles



Series: Summer of Song 2015 [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 11:24:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4827290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaJackles/pseuds/MaJackles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know how well Dean buries his emotions... but I have to believe he has his ways of dealing with them... in his way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure what I thought of this song at first, but the more I listened to it, the more it grew on me. This short story inspired by "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly. You can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/1AOp9c5DRzc

Dean had been acting morose all day. Sam wasn't sure what was eating at him and he wouldn't respond with much more than a nonverbal grunt to any questions. It was time for the one cure all that always seemed to work.

 

“Dean?” Sam walked into the library and looked around.

 

“He's outside.” Bobby answered without looking up from his reading.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Sam headed outside and wandered around until he found Dean sitting in the Impala. He was sitting in the backseat with his forehead resting on the seat back in front of him.

 

“Dean?”

 

Dean jumped, startled. “Shit, Sammy! Don't sneak up on a guy like that!”

 

“Sorry, but it's time to go.” Sam climbed into the driver's seat and pulled out his keys. “Handy that you're already in the car.” He started her up without letting Dean argue.

 

“Go? Go where?”

 

“You need some Winchester therapy.”

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. He relaxed back into the seat and Sam watched him stare unseeing out the window.

 

Sam eventually pulled up outside Tommy's Place. “Come on. Greasy bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and beer are in your future. Let's go.”

 

Sam pulled Dean out of the car and ushered him into the bar. This was a sure-fire therapy whenever Dean was acting like this. A burger in his gut, a beer in his hand, and a noisy bar to take his mind off whatever was bothering him. He wouldn't talk about things, so this was the only thing that Sam had ever gotten to work.

 

Everything seemed to be going okay, too, until the music on the juke stopped playing. Dean looked around at the sudden quiet that settled over the bar. He got up and went over to the machine. Sam guessed it was time for some AC/DC or Zeppelin. He was unpleasantly surprised when Flogging Molly started playing over the speakers.

 

Dean rested his hands on the machine and his head hung down, chin almost on his chest. He never moved throughout the whole song. “If I Ever Leave This World Behind.” It wasn't Dean's usual style of music, that was for sure. But Sam had grown used to seeing Dean go through a bout of depression and listening to this song over and over again. It happened about once a year and Sam assumed he was commemorating some sort of event. God forbid Dean ever talk about anything though. Sam hadn't realized Dean was due for his yearly angst.

 

When the song was done, Dean walked by the table, threw some cash on it and mumbled a 'let's go'.

 

Sam sighed and followed him out, noticing he left half his burger uneaten.

 

Back at Bobby's, Dean wandered off into the endless maze of junked cars alone. Being at Bobby's place around this time of year was rare and Sam decided to take advantage of it. He searched the old man out, finding him in the garage nursing a beer.

 

“Bobby... can I ask you a question?”

 

“Sure, kid.”

 

“Do you know what's up with Dean? Every year he gets depressed and listens to this one Flogging Molly song on repeat until I go about mad. What gives?”

 

Bobby sighed. “Sit down, Sam.” Sam sat at the small makeshift table, Bobby sitting opposite. “This goes way back son. To the very beginning. The night your mom passed.” Bobby paused to gauge Sam's reaction. He just sat with his lips pressed into a fine line. “That was a crazy night. Your father drove all the way through the night to Pastor Jim's. You boys slept in the backseat and John had only the radio to keep him company. Fast forward, now. Every year, around the same time of year, your father would get himself shit-faced drunk and sit around listening to that same song on repeat.”

 

“What? Dean does the same just because Dad did?”

 

“No. I don't think so. You see, Dean finally got curious enough to ask your dad about it. That night, the night John drove to Pastor Jim's house... Mary had been driving the car last and when he turned on the radio, it was one of her favorite stations set on the dial. Sam, that song came on as he drove away from your burning home.”

 

Sam sat stunned. He thought over the lyrics to the song and got choked up. Of all the songs to hit the airwaves at that moment in time.

 

“Your dad commemorated his wedding anniversary every year by listening to that song, getting drunk, and trying his damnedest to drown out the pain.”

 

Sam sat quiet for a moment. “And Dean?”

 

“You'd have to ask him for sure, but consider the fact that your brother watched your father deal with his loss alone for years. Dean was just a child, himself. I think he uses their anniversary as his own personal time to let them know he still remembers. That he hasn't and will never forget. I think the song helps him remember and also fortifies him for the struggles ahead. As it says “I'm ok. I'm alright, though you have gone from my life.”

 

Sam looked down at his hands, at a loss for words.

 

“Sam. Dean doesn't express his emotions hardly ever. This is the one time every year he allows himself to feel any sort of grief, self pity, who knows. I let it go, because he needs it. Here.” Bobby went over to the little fridge he kept in the garage and got out two beers. He handed both of them to Sam and nodded his head at him.

 

Sam gave Bobby a brief, thankful smile, took the beers, and headed out into the junkyard. He found Dean sitting atop a large pile of wrecks, looking out over the fence at the setting sun. Sam climbed up and sat at his side. He held out a beer to his brother and when he took it, he clinked his bottle against it. “To mom and dad.”


End file.
